a short december?

why does the winter provide such narcosis
and insomnia and longing and dreaming?
why does the impending cold
provide a chance to erode
the warmth that I was once teeming?

coughing

as a final reminder of the ticking clock
I've been forced to rewrite my wrongs
in favor of a past worth remembering

why those days gone before
still haunt me I don't know
but through these hiccups
the choking is obscene
and that is literal
nothing further needed

one shot too many

I walked right into an hourglass
I had hoped had wept it's last grain
and was forced to remember time before
that led me to what is today
I had prayed this was out of your system
that rationality might keep you afloat
instead it's my presence is necessary
in a life I don't think is my own.

it's only a metaphor, darling

today a man offered me
for a fairly simple price
the chance to wash my hands clean
this was a bargain to beat
so I sang him the notes
and we exchanged pleasantries

even unsure of his intentions
I bought what he was selling
and it was comfortably smooth transaction
but was it my wish or the gift of a goblin?
this we are still negotiating

soon enough

I don't believe haunting is suitable
as it's not like of you I'm afraid
although often time I will ponder to fault
if I'm missing my chance to escape
for these chances I'm taking are risky
yes I know, what's here might not last years
but it's not worth getting bent out of shape,
because time will explain the decisions made
and if they're worth being frightened and keeping

yes, you

it's so tempting to use the same verses
when my creativity is challenging at best
but what's so terribly wrong with being corny
I suppose my maturity's just not as adept

capable

somehow I fall short
or if it's possible I don't
and your reluctancy
is manifested all on it's own
then how dare you sell me
short, in an attempt to,
cover up your inadequacy

forgive me

don't stay
for though I may long
for a never-ending last kiss
and though my cries preach
to speak loud my soft wishes
all of my most pleasant dreams
are of a happier future
one which we'll both appreciate
as the righteous moment's move
and though my heart may linger
in your warm embrace once more
I was told and will try to
take it as it comes

and it's not as though I forget
but next time I've lost in a whelming
please reminds me of our good intentions
and I'll still silently wish it were more true

if only this didn't rhyme

and you can be rough
when the tides are at ease
and I don't call your bluff
as I'm eager to please
but it seems to be futile
in this little tirade
all my attempts to encourage
and persuade or dissuade
yes, although we know
our hearts will soon sway
it will help me, to remember,
our cold winter days

the races

we're running through these times
and it's a shame when we're together
because it just appears we're faster
than when we're on our own

and it wouldn't be so hard to take
if we weren't good for each other
the way you call me names
and kiss my face,
and listen close to my heart

oh what a world it might be
if it were all in between
our steady glances and gentle embraces,
encompassing all things.


for joey

sorry

I'm sorry that it stung
I didn't mean to hurt you
it's too bad that
when it comes to pain
I tend to be heavy handed

rabbitt's foot

you slumber softly
I am ever softer
I don't want to wake you
I'm not terribly upset
just horribly overwhelmed
and it's not really fair anyway
to either of us for me to
keep destroying what's left
for though I'd rather be happy
and keep you thoroughly the same
it would happen not quite so easy
and yet to my credit
the depths of your sadness
are an animal all it's own
that you'd prefer to remain
rather than resolve.

and I understand, really,
because in that sense we're alike
is this all just half hearted?
do we work so well because there's
a definite split coming?
even if it's true, it would be nice if
you didn't mention it so much
or at all, even joking

because I wish it wasn't (true)

Hello Again

Even then I slept on the couch
When I tried to scrub clean
Off my lips what I was feeling
It scared me
But did it scar me?
Your tender outline
It was a passing fling
Yet you remain intimate
Now time’s changing
And your face shows feelings
Of a second chance at
Another mistake

Or maybe I’m dreaming
Of a tacit discovery
You couldn’t help but decline
I am not trust worthy
I want that raw rush of climax
And your candid approval
Since my thoughts have been
Out of my control
Those whispered cries
In your calls as of recent nights
Have caused me to
Begin to speculate

It’s frightening how truly honest
I can be with you

It's shameful, really

you know how to make me feel
devoid of local heartbeat
your thoughts on distance, difference
and mine ashamed
eager for comfortable silence
and a warm body tether to
the linger of a scented affair
we weep for the gone too quickly

eager in my efforts
to mold in her lost shape
frankness like the weather
controlled by another
what I have lost?
in this sordid tryst
My blank expression explains
what we could not say so plain

I doubt it's your intent
you're erratic though not cruel
yet you know how to make me feel
second rate

I am damaged goods at best.

Tried

I want to swallow my lungs
and taste the life inside me
I want to breathe in ash
so I may be as charred as I appear
I want to be destroyed
so I might be recreated

We both know it's true

I have what she wants
but I hate her
because it's she he dreams of at night

he tries to push me
through the square
but my heart just won't fit right

so it's a constant struggle
brushing up against that pain
but why do I bother to fight?

am I way off key?
no, my pitch is dead on
and you're flat fucking wrong
to give to me what you want her
to take home.

It's not really you

it's the same photograph
from my favorite album
of that warm june coastal line
it's the same record
from that time ago
when we walked in puddles
it's that deplorable nature
of irony
gets me every time

it's when you speak
you can really hear it
so I shall listen close

Rainbows

what color will my mouth be
after kissing the life of that mouth?

Dormant

and when I lose faith
in a well fated sky
I inhale my tears
and breathe through my eyes
and exhale my dreams
and gasp for my soul
that doesn't seem to exist anymore

I Continue Repenting

I once was told
without a soul
I'd weep and sleep forever

I wish I knew
this were untrue
that all were safe endeavors

But!

I did not deserve
these beautiful curves
a flat line would suit me fine

and all that is here
at least it appears
I couldn't even decline

But.

I've sinned and I've been
convicted of them
though forgiveness a single step more

So,

it just seems unfair
even with what I've bared
that my life could end up so clean

yet between light and dark
the contrast is stark
not too unlike a fear and dream

so then what if what's here
one day disappears
is the truth then buried somewhere between?

and why is this all so serene?

Power Trip

Your mouth moves slow
Your words are clear
Though you may listen
You cannot hear

For your mind is made
for you are so tall
my voice is hushed
For I am so small

You use your stature
in a subtle way
to slowly get across
what you're trying to say
But I will not play
absent minded today.

I will question every word
in an undermining tone
for though you silence other,
I know I'm not alone

You may whisper as you shout
but you cannot fool me
The agenda you're pushing
is as clear as can be.

You say you preach tolerance
you say you'll accept us all
but when you act, that contradicts
and I don't believe your gall

Prove to me beyond a doubt
that what you say it true
beyond that shadow, please
you didn't mindlessly assume

Or I will continue as I have
to question every call
for your ignorance is overwhelming
and your brain is very small.

Decaying

Hold my hand,
Don't slip on the ice.
Some sleek slip slope.
Walk, walk, talk, talk
Tender kisses from a snowy fall.

Inside, the fireplace.
Wet clothes off.
Speak as if you've never spoke
The winter air cracked your lips
Your hair is softer than soft.

Dip, drip, into the hot tub
Touch my face,
pour our your heart.

New year's goodbye,
Don't, won't, can't forget
Empty without those
late night talks and walks.

An affair,
better left at elevation.

Seized power won't make a democracy

The Tv's staring blanky at me.
The clocks chime as
We wait for the state of the union

"The future's bleak, it's all downhill
unless your freedom you can forsake."
Tough to swallow, a bitter pill
Mindless nods from a god fearing few

Riot! Riot! Shattered glass screams
No saftey in a world without privacy
A court decided the right to die
To speak, to breathe, to move, to think
Classless felons to philandering hearts
All share a nine numbered destiny
They did not choose
They can not choose

Terror has always been
their most effective tool.

Tired

Up all night, all upset
always doubts of cool
want to stay sixteen forever
never leave this school.

Life I know may be routine
all I know is I know
I need to sleep
Nights of endless unrest
Why the rhythm tune?

Why me, why you?

Gone and Begin Again

When I wonder, ask
which you think is best
Why your face longs so
motives behind unrest

I mostly wonder fault
detrimental choices
or altering causes
Did I cause it?

Or were the words
just being formed?

How do I say
what I want
how much can I take?
Will I go blind?
Is this real?
Why am I always
thinking of you?

Endless

Hard to describe
just what I feel inside
hypnotised by the lies
of a fulfilled life.

Lost, confused, feeling trite
I can't live without you
though I just might

Want to cleanse my life
hear from inbetween
What I felt for you,
you never felt for me.

Can feel the teeming
of an endless night
Won't lose the feeling
Though I can't deny
One day, bodies petrified
tears embalmed, unify,
one thing in common,

all live to die.