hb

you were my only real friend
all you wanted was to hold my hand
you introduced me to nearly everyone I know now
we shared drinks on the lawn, I was eaten alive by mosquitoes
you were the first person here to care about my opinion
making your decisions based on if I would accompany you
and you said the sweetest things a friend can say
not because you had to, because you couldn't wait to
this kind of attention sparked jealously from other parties
so I was pulled away from you, towards loneliness again
and then you left for the place we left behind
I hope you are every happy there, nothing like last time
but I suppose I can never really thank you for the feelings
of acceptance. and I miss you. my only friend.

Crumble

I sh-sh-sh-sh-shake a lot when I think if all of it. IT overwhelms me. Much of my mistrust can be attributed to the passion of your previous relationships. Say what you will, you words are never are fiery when referring to me. "She and I did this" or "I and she went there" but never "All I ever want in life is to die before you" or "Come back to me she said and I died and she is the only thing that ever mattered to me." These are not emotions to feel when it comes to me. Is it loss? Is it loss which provokes such intensity? Must I leave for you to truly remember what I mean to you? I could never. How I so wish to trust you. Not that you are particularly unworthy of trust but you are so often away now and so never near even when you are around and maybe I am pushing you away and maybe it is my fault and maybe we are really not even meant to be but I am forcing it because I don't know how to move on but I am in love in the most pseudo stalker way possible and I could never live happily without you. I want our lives to forever coincide. More importantly I want you to have such grievous, abhorrent, loathsome disdain for them that were the opportunity to arise for you to slowly burn their bodies to tiny pieces you would just at the opportunity. I want you to speak of them as though it pricks your tounge each time you form a syllable and you taste blood each time you speak their names. I want to erase their existence in your life. Or you could prove to me that I mean more to you than they ever did or ever could. Maybe then I could trust you. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe you should just give up on me.

I think I give up on me.