sister, don't get worried.

I lay down my copy of someone else's achievements for a moment to enjoy in the solace that is an empty home. We lay together on the carpet and I stroked him. It was unbearable, the thought of losing him. He loves me in the way no one ever will, with all the strength and vigor I have always longed for; but he is an animal. This is his downfall. There are others, these steps I take in an attempt to fulfill the emptiness I am often plagued by. They will never be enough for me. Still, I wish he wouldn't use such colloquial phrases to describe his past affairs; the unmistakable intentions; the unbearable specific degree. I love him with all the vigor I can muster but still he recedes. I will never understand him. I will never understand anyone because I do not entirely comprehend emotion. I fall to pieces too often. I collapse and revolve elaborate conversations around how to return to where I once was. In this way I am both continually moving and stuck in the same tireless course of action. I will write passages, existential, galvanized, and almost entirely incomprehensible in nature. I will whittle my time away subversively. I will make every attempt to please you; all of you. These strides to enhance society are all in vein. I long for devotion. I am distrustful. No one will ever devote themselves to me completely.